Some observations from a friendship:

I've been spending a lot of time with Matt lately.  Well really, its about the same that it had been since I really got to know him.  Until this year that is.  After we got back from Europe and I went off to school, I really almost completely lost contact with him.  Our relationship became more of a phone relationship, we spent very little time together in person, and really did'nt even talk on the phone that much.  And thats how it was pretty much this entire school year.  I was reminded of that because of a comment Matt made on our Sarasota trip.  We were talking about my new infatuation with Charity, and he made the comment how I didn't tell him about it, he found out from my brother.  Anyways, later I came up with a response which I'm gonna write out here just to organize my thoughts, although I really don't think I even need to say it to him.  Really I just need to let it go (which I think I have done).  For one, there was that silence for so many months.  I thought that we were pretty close but then I go back to school and like totally lose contact.  Its like he was too busy, workin or with Lindsay to keep up.  We would talk randomly but the few times I would see him in person it was always sorta awkward or I really didn't have anything to say or whatever.  All mostly my fault for just being a jerk, although I sorta blamed him for "ditchin" me so to speak.  I was home for a solid month over Christmas and saw him outside of church maybe twice.  And the worse was the night James died.  Worse night of my life and that ride home has never seemed so long and lonely, and yet he couldn't wait up even half an hour more for me to get home.  Stuff like that just sorta made me feel like I'd been pushed to the wayside. 

And then there's the way I just don't think he's ever interested in what I'm saying.  Its like when I do try and talk to him he's playin with his cell phone or givin my the "uh huh" and head nod.  So I just get the impression that he's not listening.  And he also is hard to get to be serious.

But the past few weeks I have spend a lot of time with Matt, like we used to.  Its good, he actually seems to have changed and is always in a good mood.  Like I don't have to wonder when I see him if he'll be in a bad mood or not.  He also seems more open to talk about just stuff, like whats goin on and whats on his mind and stuff.  It really has been sorta good hangin out with him. 

I think sometime in summers past we've spent too much time together and ended up gettin on each others nerves. My goal is to not do that, for one I need a job to occupy some of my free time.  And spending time with other friends is good.  Anyways this is just to organize my thoughts, I really don't feel the need to discuss this with him or anyone else, I just thought its a good analysis of a friendship.  At times even recently I've been almost ready to just write him off as a friend, he sometimes frustrated me so much, but I'm back to where I feel at ease and the friendship is lighthearted and easygoing like it used to be.  I need to keep it that way, not get so "attached" if you will and working on being a good friend rather than getting hurt when other people don't live up to my expectations of what a good friend is.